Stavros Halkias on Portcast with Ron Bennington

RON BENNINGTON: By the way, you’re here for uh the last one. This is the chemo ball that I’m going to be taking home for the next 48 hours. This stays in my chest. Yeah.

STAVROS HALKIAS: So, you’re going to be [BLEEP] up two days in a Yeah. Wow.

RON BENNINGTON: But just hold that because it’s all...

STAVROS HALKIAS: you [BLEEP] piece of [BLEEP] [laughter]

RON BENNINTON: Stavros, thanks so much for coming by, buddy. Thank you for having me. I got to tell you, just the other day I went and saw the movie Tony. Oh, thank you. And here’s the thing. I only went because you’re in it. And then I see this movie that just blew me away.

STAVROS HALKIAS: I love to hear that.

RON BENNINGTON: And this I’m not even making this up. Movie’s over. I’m in the theater.Applause happens.

STAVROS HALKIAS: Get the [BLEEP] out.

RON BENNINGTON: As if it’s a play. So I was telling Chris Stanley that. Chris.

CHRIS STANLEY: . Hello. Same thing. Same thing in Brooklyn.

STAVROS HALKIAS: I love I love to hear that, baby. That’s huge.

RON BENNINGTON: It’s really, really wild. Thank you. It’s really, really wild. It’s crazy.

STAVROS HALKIAS: Matt’s such an incredible director and the cast is so good.

By the way, who knew that he was going to be such a great director? [laughter] You know, I saw him in Blackberry, thought he was funny, but you know, he’s so kind of bizarre.

STAVROS HALKIAS: No, he’s out of his [BLEEP] mind. He’s crazy. And he’s like just a weird... But that’s the thing when you get a weird little guy, right, to start he I was like cuz I met him on Tony. I was like, “This guy’s really He’s also incredibly funny.” And I was like, “Oh, did you do improv? Did you?” He He’s like, “I never performed anywhere. I started making films the second I could. So, he just put all his energy and you know, yeah, we come from a live performance background. You channel that into it. He put everything into movies and that’s what you get. If you’re like a weird little [BLEEP] up guy, find your passion and pour yourself into it. I

RON BENNINGTON:I was telling somebody the other night, I go, you pick another director, they wouldn’t make this movie as good as he did.

STAVROS HALKIAS: No chance.

RON BENNINGTON: You know what I mean? You could have the best director, but the heart that’s in this little movie, it’s unbelievable.

STAVROS HALKIAS:Yeah. Well, I think like he I think all of us actually on that. I mean, I definitely did. He just knows what it’s like to be a like a like an little piece of [BLEEP] that believes in himself too much, but also isn’t is completely insecure at the same time. It’s like it’s like that fallacy of like being I I I related because I was like I remember being a 19-year-old open micer and thinking I was the funniest [BLEEP] guy alive, right? And that’s like a little that’s how Bourdain was as a little piece of [BLEEP] He could tell everybody whatever he wanted. And so to me the way like honestly comedians like you know like Bobby [Kelly] is a perfect he’s kind of my Antonio Banderas. [laughter]

RON BENNINGTON: Of course he is. That’s how I that’s the first person who told me about you. It’s like Bobby’s like you got to have this guy on man. He’s so much fun. We all go out and eat together all the time. He’s the best. And uh that everybody kind of has that. By the way, "Tires" you’re in which is the best show on TV right now.

STAVROS HALKIAS: The funniest show on TV. McKeever and Shane. So, I mean, Shane’s the man, obviously, and McKeever, we were just sucking off Matt Johnson.

RON BENNINGTON Yeah.

STAVROS HALKIAS: I think as a pure comedy director, I really think McKeever is going to go down as the best of his generation. He is so [BLEEP] funny, good to work with, like set you up for success. Yeah, he’s the [BLEEP] man.

RON BENNINGTON: You know, uh I met Tommy Pope back I was I don’t know. I think it was doing something at Caroline. was like funnest in New York or whatever. So I see Tommy and I’m like he was just so funny to me. So I I invited him on the show and he goes, "Well, I’m doing um something with some friends. Can I bring them in?” And it was McKeever and Butterly and we were like, “Who are these three [BLEEP] dudes?”

STAVROS HALKIAS: I know. They’re out their mind. And that was probably their fil the the Delco Proper which was [BLEEP] hilarious.

RON BENNINGTON: Loved it.

STAVROS HALKIAS: Should have gotten picked up, you know.

RON BENNINGTON: Yeah. The interesting thing is like this project they have is different in a way like it’s probably trying less hard, you know, to go for the jokes and tires just crushes. Just crushes.

STAVROS HALKIASWe got so lucky, man. It’s like I mean the idea that the thing we got to make three years ago in literally Steve Gerbin’s dad tire shop with I wore my own the reason Dave now I still have my own jewelry. I still have my own glasses. It was literally everything was your own except the Valley Forge shirt, right? And even that was like, “Hey, do you have something we can embroider?” Because you know what I mean? It’s like they’re like, “What?” They’re like, “We don’t have a costume department. What kind of shirt do you want that we can just put Valley Forge on?” The fact that that thing that I thought was just going to go on the internet. I thought it was going to be like Gilly and Keeves, which is the funniest sketch show. And I just figured, oh, these guys are [BLEEP] mavericks. They’re on the internet. [BLEEP] the big [BLEEP] the streamers. We’re taking it back. And then they’re like, actually, we’re going directly to the big streamers. And three years from now, we’re going to have the number one show. It’s [BLEEP] crazy, dude.

RON BENNINGTON: Emmy nomination.

STAVROS HALKIAS: Emmy nomination. I think it’s very funny that Emmy I was like, “Oh, we got nominated.” It’s for like sound design.

RON BENNINGTON: [laughter] That’s I mean, the sound is unbelievable in this show. It’s the main thing. Yeah. So, you know, the funny thing is like when Shane was in here doing this, I told him I go, I can’t tell you how much I love this show. It’s It’s comforting to me. And he sent me the whole season.

STAVROS HALKIAS: Oh, awesome. That's awesome.

RON BENNINGTON: To watch while I was going through this. So, I had it before everybody. And then my wife would go, “Are you watching this show again?” I go, “You don’t understand. I know these people.” And she’s like, “Oh, they’ve been on your show.” I go, “No, the characters is who I care about. These are real people that have a dead-end job and somehow there’s so much heart. They look out for each other.”

STAVROS HALKIAS: I mean, those blue-collar scumbags, you know? I mean, it’s like you you met them. I mean, what was your first what was your first job?

RON BENNINGTON:Well, my first job, weirdly enough, was uh the Carnival in Nova Scotia, which

STAVROS HALKIAS: Nova Scotia? Up in Newfoundland?

RON BENNINGTON: Yeah. Nova Scotia. A Yeah. Well, I had a really good Newy friend who was very much like the Boston guy in your show, like a that kind of a dude. But that thing that I went to that I was like, and I was thinking about it while I’m watching "Tony" I’m like, yeah, I saw a glimpse of this thing of people who didn’t do the regular life. You know, we’re like, I’m just going to go out and do this. So, I really identified for that reason. But then I had many jobs like Tires after I came back.

STAVROS HALKIAS: Well, were you ever I have to ask, let’s stick with the carnival real fast. Okay. Were you ever on the funnel cake station?

RON BENNINGTON: No. No. 

STAVROS HALKIAS: Did you ever make a corn dog?

RON BENNINGTON: No, I was working the joints. Okay. And you know, I’m not going to lie to you. I’m in Nepo baby. My grandmother did it.

STAVROS HALKIAS: A carnival nepo baby? A nepo carney.

RON BENNINGTON: Yes. My grandparents did it.

STAVROS HALKIAS: I was born toothless. [laughter] Yeah. But it’s like that’s Ron. That’s [BLEEP] hilar. I didn’t know that. I’ve been a fan forever. I didn’t know you’re descended from caries.

RON BENNINGTON: Oh yeah. I’m I’m deep carney people. And uh you know that life. It’s also why I don’t gamble. I’m like I know what it’s like to look at these idiots [laughter] that are jonesing.

STAVROS HALKIAS:I I’ll be setting up the Tilt-A-Whirl in no time if I gamble away the radio money. [laughter] I’m back in Eastern Canada getting getting the teacups going.

RON BENNINGTON: But I had warehouse jobs too where I remember it was for women’s clothing and these ladies, they would box these things up and then we would take the box and load them on the truck. The truck would pull away and another truck would come back in and I’m like, we’re never going to fill this.

STAVROS HALKIAS: It’s endless.

RON BENNINGTON: Yeah. But all the great thing about it and I sometimes dream about this is at 5:00 a whistle would go off of and you know and we would just dropped the boxes where we were and went home. You know what I mean?

STAVROS HALKIAS: Beautiful.Fuck the Boss. Just like animals yeah.

RON BENNINGTON: Nobody nobody caredUm and I would be drunk drunk 35 minutes after dropping that box.

STAVROS HALKIAS: 100% Yeah. And during the shift, the first 35 minutes of the next shift, you probably drunk.

RON BENNINGTON: Dude, I I crushed my hand. I ran it through a thing because I had been drinking till like 6:00 in the morning and doing speed.

STAVROS HALKIAS: Awesome.

RON BENNINGTON: And then came in and ran my hand and stopped the whole conveyor belt.

STAVROS HALKIAS: Hysterical.

RON BENNINGTON: And uh they were like, “Well, you’re going to get some comp.” You know what I mean? It’ll be nice.

RON BENNINGTON: Look at that. Getting Yeah. Good for doing the little uh beer and speedball and beer and meth speedball and you get rewarded with disability.

STAVROS HALKIAS: Smart.

RON BENNINGTON: Yeah. [laughter] I was in the ladies what the hell was the name of the union? Ladies garment worker union which is crazy.

STAVROS HALKIAS: That’s so [BLEEP] funny. You So you’re folding blouses and putting them in in boxes and [BLEEP] all day.

RON BENNINGTON: Yeah. I mean the whole thing was like blouses from the floor to the ceiling and we would run around but the women were the ones that would pack them and then we would take you know the forklifts.

STAVROS HALKIAS: You don’t want to get these animals horny just looking at a brisier believe me you know [laughter] you can only interact with them packaged in a cardboard box.

RON BENNINGTON: I also worked in the Franklin Mint for a while.

STAVROS HALKIAS: Okay...Look at that.

RON BENNINGTON: And that was fun because everybody was just thinking how do we steal this gold of course all day long.

STAVROS HALKIAS: Are you just the dumbest guys of all time trying to pull an Ocean’s Eleven? [laughter] You just get a fat guy stuck in the vent, you know? Oh, [BLEEP] We should have used the little Chinese guy.

RON BENNINGTON: But you kind of fell into acting a little bit, right?

STAVROS HALKIAS: Dude, I got so lucky. I don’t even [BLEEP] understand what happened. I mean, at least "Tony," I had kind of talked to Matt a little bit and we have similar sensibilities and we had had a meeting about a different project and we just hit it off and, you know, he needed comedic relief. And you know, I’m from that I’m from the same thing. Blue-collar. Yeah. My dad’s a carpenter. My mom’s a waitress. My first jobs were I worked at a machine shop as well. Very similar vibe. Yeah. To the lady’s garments because I was making parts for guns [laughter] at a now [clears throat] defunct uh now defunct uh Greek guys warehouse because he was caught for insurance fraud. So that was those were my first, you know, those were my first blue-collar jobs. And so I was like I understood him being like, “All right, we need a fat guy to bully this beautiful child.” Right. Right. And I understand if I’m the first call for that, but "Bugonia" like is the luckiest thing that ever happened to me. And shout out to Yorgos Lanthimos. I will love that guy forever. I was always a fan. But thank you for picking me. Cuz immediately people that don’t know any better just assume you’re a good actor if you’re in an Oscar movie. So now, so now it’s like, look, I can be the fat bully. I can be the I can be the fat blank with a heart of gold. You know what I mean? fat bully, fat cuck, fat idiot, whatever you need with a heart of gold, fat criminal with a heart of gold. I can do all those, but like this guy was just a creep. And you know, I guess I shouldn’t be too honored because it is a pedophile that

RON BENNINGTON: it is a pedophile thing and you nailed [laughter] it. I mean, you nailed it.

STAVROS HALKIAS: Thank you. [BLEEP] I’m laughing loud as [BLEEP] People having the worst days of their lives and we’re just having a hoot in here.

RON BENNINGTON: By the way, you’re here for uh the last one. This is the chemo ball that I’m going to be taking really home for the next 48 hours. This stays Oh, in my chest. Yeah.

STAVROS HALKIAS: So, you’re going to be [BLEEP] up two days in a row. Yeah. Wow.

RON BENNINGTON: But just hold that because it’s all [shouts]

STAVROS HALKIAS: See, you [BLEEP] piece of [BLEEP] [laughter] I was like, “Yeah, this is good.” I’m getting involved. look at it head on. Don’t look away.

RON BENNINGTON: Well, I was thinking to myself, And then, but I was thinking Gaffigan isn’t going to fall for this. He’s been around the block.

STAVROS HALKIAS: No. No. You got me [BLEEP] hook line and sinker with that one. Do you really have to be on it for two days?

RON BENNINGTON: Yeah, it’s the next I think 48 hours.

STAVROS HALKIAS: Damn, dude.

RON BENNINGTON:And you just carry it around with you. People are like, “Well, we used to have to stay in there for 4 days.” You know what I mean?

STAVROS HALKIAS So, yeah. You’re house arrest basically.

RON BENNINGTON: Yeah. Basically house. You’re on chemo. House arrest. It really is. This is like they should give these to high school kids to find out whether they should have a baby or not. [laughter]

STAVROS HALKIAS: The egg if it cracks.

RON BENNINGTON: Yeah. Yeah. If you roll over,

STAVROS HALKIAS: if you kill your grandfather the two days he has to be on chemo, you don’t get to have a baby.

RON BENNINGTON: Yeah. [laughter] That’s not going to work for you. That’s [BLEEP] Yes.. You know, you were talking about playing a creep. Like when Dave on tires Mhm. I thought he was the heel, but as we come along, no, he’s just part of this world.He might be a little further apart, but he’s stuck in the same world. And that keeps happening. It’s kind of beautiful.

STAVROS HALKIAS: Yeah. I mean, again, I have to give all the credit to McKeever Gerbin, the writing staff, because yeah, I was like, look, I was playing it. Playing these creeps is so fun because it’s basically you get to be yourself and then when you have the worst thoughts of all time instead of being like embarrassed and like praying to get those out of your head, you’re like, “No, that’s actually how this guy lives.” So, you get to just pretend to be the biggest scumbag that you are. It’s like it’s who you are and then 10% of being a complete piece of [BLEEP] And then and I was like great, I’ll come in for the comedic relief, you know, I’ll come in. I’m like a bench scorer on Tires. You know what I mean? Put me in. I’ll be a, you know, I’ll I’ll be a creep in a funny way. And then yeah, they turned it into like a real he still gets to maintain his creep essence, but it makes sense in the context of his relationship with [BLEEP] with his wife played by the very funny Steph Tolev. So those guys are so again so [BLEEP] good. And I can’t wait to the next season season

RON BENNINGTON: Everybody on that show. Here’s what I love about it. It’s a comedy that you could not switch punchlines with.Everybody is a real person. Yes. You know what I mean? Everybody is them. And it’s just it’s unbelievable how well it works. But also the fact that these guys did this so organically.

STAVROS HALKIAS: Mhm. You know. Yeah. It was like a web it was like a one-off web episode. I remember seeing it before they even did did Gilly and Keeves. And I I knew Shane a little bit, but it wasn’t like we were like, you know, boys back then. And I just remember being like and he wasn’t, you know, he was he was just a good comic who was friends with Soder and I was like, “Oh, this guy’s funny.” Yeah. I was blown away by that. I was like, “This is really these guys are so naturally funny.” And I was like, literally, I was like, “Fuck, I’m” and I didn’t know them at all. Maybe a very little bit. I actually might have known Tommy a little bit, Chris a little bit, but definitely didn’t know McKeever at all. And I remember was like, “Fuck, I’m jealous, dude. This is [BLEEP] funny as shit.” And then when they did Gilly and Keeves, I was like, we we almost they they were writing like the uncle, remember that uncle’s daycare sketch they did, which was one of the funniest [BLEEP] things. Uh they were writing a they were going to do a sequel to it, I guess, in the second season. And then and they asked me to be in it and it fell apart and I was [BLEEP] heartbroken and then just completely out of nowhere one Shane literally text me like, “Hey, we’re doing something. We’re just doing something in PA. It’ll be you should come. it. You should come. It’ll be fun. That’s all. And I was like, “I’m there, baby.” We had just shot uh Let’s start a cult like indie movie I made, which I watched that was super was super hard to do. Like, we had no money. We did in like 3 weeks. And I was I was like, “Fuck, dude. I just need I got so [BLEEP] fat that year, too. I was just I was just eating like a [BLEEP] animal, taking pills, smoking weed. My body was more like I was more like I I was like mostly Pepto-Bismol dick pills and like Xanax [laughter] at that period of my life. And I needed a vac I needed to just not even vacation. I needed to like get go on low impact walks and eat vegetables for a week.

But Shane texted me and I was like, “Fuck it, baby. We’re” cuz I had two weeks off before going back on tour and I desperately needed for my health time off. But I’m so glad I ignored my body and and I’m now suffering. I mean, I threw my back out, my [BLEEP] broke my arm. I’m completely [BLEEP] You know what I mean? Uh I’ll never find out if I get cancer cuz we’re not getting to that age. We’ll check it out early.

RON BENNINGTON: That was literally my plan. And I didn’t make it.

STAVROS HALKIAS: So, I got to go harder. So, you’re telling me I should stop trying to be sober. I should relapse.

RON BENNINGTON: Yes. [laughter] Just go out numb. Go out numb.

STAVROS HALKIAS: That was That’s [clears throat] been my plan. It is unfortunately sneaking up on me that I’m I kind of want to live again cuz when you’re young and a piece of [BLEEP] that sounds like a you went through this, you’re like, “Fuck it. Who cares?”

RON BENNINGTON: Well, yes, of course. I never cared about anything. Never went to doctors. Yes. And that worked for six decades. I mean, it was the perfect plan. And then they were like, “What happened to

STAVROS HALKIAS: One little flaw?” Getting stage 4 cancer. That was the little That was your Achilles heel. It turned out.

RON BENNINGTON: Well, luckily for me, there’s no stage five. [laughter] You know what I mean? Cuz I’m sure I went right through.

STAVROS HALKIAS: That’s a beautiful perspective, Ron.

RON BENNINGTON: You got to find You got to find the good and all this. [laughter] You got to find the good. Um, but how are you in the hospital? cuz a lot of comics come in. It’s It’s rough on them.

STAVROS HALKIAS: Yeah. I mean, listen, I like that we’re in an enclosed space. Yeah. That’s a big Cuz I was I was watching clips and I saw Joe, my buddy Joe List, one of my best friends. He’s talking. He’s looking around like there’s people there. I was nervous. And I got to say, I was like, it’s the first time I’ve ever thought about how I dress for a podcast because my my wardrobe is not cancer ward wardrobe. I can’t come in here in [BLEEP] Bermuda shorts and a bright Hawaiian. come in your party. So, it’s like my only shirts are like this is from my brother’s gym. My it was like it was literally I was either this or like a Tires crew shirt. I only wear Hawaiian shirts or free shirts. And so, I was a little worried about that. I also wore the blue hat cuz I realized I only had black clothes and I was like, I don’t want to I was going to wear another black. I was like, let’s get a pop of color in here. You don’t want to come in here grim reaper style.

RON BENNINGTON: You know, that’s what happened with Bill Hicks when he got cancer. They said, stop wearing all black.

STAVROS HALKIAS: Stop wearing all black. Yeah, you’re courting it.

RON BENNINGTON: Yeah, you’re you’re drawing it in. But out of everyone was nervous, Joe List was the most adorable cuz he came in giggling. He was just like, [laughter] “Wow.” Yeah. And I don’t even know that side.

STAVROS HALKIAS: Me neither. I know. So, he’s one, like I said, one of my best friends. I’ve seen him nervous, but that must be the next level of nervousness that we don’t get to see.

RON BENNINGTON: Yeah. I want him to come in with his wife now to see if that, of course, if it’s a different uh thing,

STAVROS HALKIAS: if she catches the ick. She’s like, “You’re being too giggly in this case. I want a divorce.” Yeah, Can’t let you You’re g like a school girl. I’m not going to let you [BLEEP] me anymore.

RON BENNINGTON: Um, but that’s funny that you you you bring up [Joe] List, too, because he’s another guy I met when he was young and you like you see something, you know what I mean? And then what it became is like

STAVROS HALKIAS: such such an incredible comic. I mean, listen, Bobby [Kelly]'s little coaching tree is crazy,right? you know, it’s like uh [Joe] List, Dan [Soder], uh Luis [J Gomez] who you know built Gas Digital, I open for him at the end, you know, and so like the and it was just like um he’s you know being around Bobby was so funny and those guys truly are I mean like list is such an incredible comic such a good friend and yeah so I mean, Soder I’m sure he’s he’s been in here right?

RON BENNINGTON: Yeah. Oh yeah, he came in was really really strong. You know, somebody said to me because they don’t know that I know all these people for 10, 12 years, right? And they’re like, “You discovered so many young comics.” I go, “No, I didn’t discover anybody, but I did recognize.” You know what I mean? You do recognize when somebody comes in.

STAVROS HALKIAS: I You should give yourself some credit there. You I mean, you you maybe not the full discovery, you get a partial credit. You were putting really funny people when they had no when no one else was like interested in them. you did recognize just being funny. It wasn’t like a lot of people booked their show on like how many hits can we get? and and you have always been somebody who completely just gravitated towards people that you appreciated artistically. And that’s also I mean I gotta also tell I got to you know suck you off here for this because I don’t think anybody else on earth could do this show because I think like this is such an in even seeing comic putting comics in this that’s a fascinating art right there but also if anybody else did this it would feel craven from my perspective as a fan it feels like you recognize that no one else has ever occupied this space and it’s fascinating Ron it really is and I I’m so h cuz like so much of the stuff you did means meant so much in particular the Unmasked stuff you did when I was uh even before we met that to me and I you know I listened to Ron and Fez stuff too but for me Unmasked was really like cuz I was I I discovered it when I was a that that 19-year-old arrogant open micer right I was working at the front desk at the Baltimore County Community College I was I was scheduling tests for their online testing center so I’m essentially a secretary who has to make sure like single moms can’t cheat on their nursing exams, right? That’s all I’m doing all day. So, I have a lot of time to listen while I’m doing these open mics. And truly, it was a real education in like how real standup comics think and operate. And like I remember being like, I’m an artist. I can’t have any responsibilities. I have to focus on my craft. And it really the Gaffigan episode in particular stands out to me because I had just seen him at my college. He just played the homecoming and he was like, “Yeah, I had a full-time job. I was an ad I was working at an ad agency. He had a [BLEEP] family and he still grinded that hard.” And literally after like and listened to all of them I mean at the time I was like Louie, Attell, all my favorites Norm and really that kind of instilled like oh you got to [BLEEP] just do there is no excuses. Brian Reagan too was like like I I was like Brian Reagan had the [BLEEP] he told the story about throwing he was the trash boy at a at a comedy club and then he would have to go do they would see him take the trash out [laughter] and then he would have to go do the check spot and I was like oh Brian Regan had to do this I’m a [BLEEP] piece of sh I thought I was too good for shitty open you know you just and of course my jokes were horrific at the time you know like I had a nice four-minute chunk about being so fat I can’t wipe my ass kind of that that level of writing, right?

And so I just want to say like you’re the perfect there’s nobody else who could do this uh and and make it this interesting. And I also wonder if like cuz for me I my question to you is like it feels also like you are such a broadcaster. You’re so good at this. You’ve occupied so much of your life has been when the mics are rolling. I almost wonder like this also has to help you kind of like because you know

RON BENNINGTON: That’s the secret sauce.

STAVROS HALKIAS: Yeah. Because like because I I I realized that where I was like I relate to everything as a standup. If something like this happened to me, I would have to look at it through these so much of my life and my mind has gone to this that I think that’s another reason nobody else could do it because it’s like you’ve occupied every broadcasting space possible basically and this has to be like I wonder like for you how does it feel both as a broadcaster but also just just as a guy does it just help your brain lock into this?

RON BENNINGTON: It does. And also, I mean, I don’t think this would work without bringing the people in. And seeing them go through whatever they go through. A lot of people are start crying, but it probably has nothing to do with me, but you know, this triggers

STAVROS HALKIAS: Now you're putting a lot of pressure on me to [BLEEP] cry. [BLEEP] dude.

RON BENNINGTON: If you don’t cry, I don’t see this working. [laughter] I’ll be honest. I mean, even Soder.

STAVROS HALKIAS: Yeah. [BLEEP] You know, can I do it?

RON BENNINGTON: Yeah. Come on.

STAVROS HALKIAS: You’re good. [laughter] I don’t want to do it disingenuously.

RON BENNINGTON: No, no, no. But think about your grandmother. What if she had cancer?

STAVROS HALKIAS:Honestly, no disrespect to my grandma. She’s kind of kind of a tough on my mom. It’s kind of getting to that point where it’s like I don’t want it to be painful, go, you know, you don’t even know who I am anymore.

RON BENNINGTON: So, let’s pick a different... mom?

STAVROS HALKIAS: Yeah, that’ll start [BLEEP] balling. I can’t do that. That would be

RON BENNINGTON:But I mean, here’s the thing. Your mom and I are about probably about the same age, you know? She’s I mean if it’s not happening, you know what I mean?

STAVROS HALKIAS: Stop. Don't do this man. [BLEEP] dude.

RON BENNINGTON: But one thing I’ve learned is that every day is precious. We should probably call your mom a little later. [laughter] Because here’s the thing. You at least had a chance to show her. You know what I mean? Like if you would if she would have passed away then earlier in your life. Not but now she’s looking at what you’ve achieved for yourself. Yeah. Damn.

STAVROS HALKIAS: You are going to get me. Honestly,

RON BENNINGTON: you’re a good boy. I’ll just say that you’re a very good boy.

STAVROS HALKIAS: Let me start being sad about you and not my mom. [laughter] I have no disrespect. I care about you less than my mother is.

RON BENNINGTON: No, I’m glad to hear that. [laughter] I’m really glad to hear that. But no, I think all of this makes me okay. more okay than I would be. I almost dropped my chemo ball.

STAVROS HALKIAS: You would have lost the grenade.Yeah, you would have cracked egg

RON BENNINGTON: .. the pulled out of my chest.

STAVROS HALKIAS: Oh, I could not have handled that scream at me. [laughter] Yeah. Help. I would just drop the mic and left. Like, we got enough, right? Just don’t even look at you.

RON BENNINGTON: That’s Yeah, dude. Five minutes into this, we got plenty out of you. You’re so good. You’re so strong. I will tell you one of the most surreal things. I’m watching TV and it’s they’re showing the Cannes Film Festival and you’re on the red carpet. Emma Stone is next to you and you’re holding court. The actors, the professional actors staring at you while you’re getting laughs.

STAVROS HALKIAS: Well, because the thing is that’s the these red carpets are [BLEEP] crazy. Yeah. And you just have these photographers that are so [BLEEP] rude. Terrible. And every it’s all these [BLEEP] ital first of all Italians. Italian plus paparazzi. Yeah. One of the worst combos you could possibly that’s one of the worst combos possible. So they’re like, “Hey, come.” So just by doing the Italian voice and being like, “Emma, please come over here. Let me take your picture.”

RON BENNINGTON: Crushes, dude.

STAVROS HALKIAS: That’s the thing. Once they let comedians into these like actors, their lives are so serious and weird and stressful that like if you just don’t really give a [BLEEP] and I was like threatening photographers cuz I was like what are they going to do? I don’t care if they paparazzi me that would be funny. Yeah. You know, but they were like getting in people’s space and I’m like, “Hey, at the end of the day, you were just a [BLEEP] to my new work friends.” And so it was kind of freeing to be like, “Shut the [BLEEP] up, you Italian piece of shit.” you know, [laughter] like and that just gets a big pop from your the actors, right? Being disrespectful.

RON BENNINGTON: but it also is like such a lesson to learn like if you don’t care. Yes. Things might start coming to you.

STAVROS HALKIAS: I do unfortunately think that’s the the what changed in my career was when I was ready to give up. I was just I was I quit Cum Town. I was like, “This is stressful. I don’t know what the [BLEEP] I’m going to do. I’m going to take a break.” And I was just like I took like two months off and I was like, “What the [BLEEP] am I doing? I gotta start my I was like I’m a [BLEEP] idiot. I have no skills. I have to start my own podcast because like we figured something out. And then I just started Stavvy’s World to kind of just get back into the rhythm. Yeah. And I was like, “This is great. I’ll have this podcast that will be shittier than Cumtown and make much less money, but I will pay my rent and I’ll go on the road twice a month. It’ll be fine.” And as soon as I stopped wanting things, Yeah. everything started. As soon I was ready to give up. Yeah. actually and get healthier.

That’s I think it’s actually God trying to keep me fat and to keep me to die quick because as soon as I was like I’m going to take some time off. I’m going to and I lost so much weight during the pandemic and then that’s when like all my [BLEEP] clips started going viral and I was just like, “God damn it,I guess I’m going to have to have to achieve my dreams. I guess I’m going to [laughter] have to going to have to eat hard.This [BLEEP] sucks. This is so much work. Being being a [BLEEP] loudmouth open micer with a podcast that makes way too much money for no reason. Much better lifestyle. Much better lifestyle. [laughter]

RON BENNINGTON: That’s the other brilliant thing about Shane on on tires. It’s the the funny guy right before he finds out you can do this. You know, instead of being at the Tire place [BLEEP] with your friends, get on a stage somewhere.

STAVROS HALKIAS: Right. Well, yeah. That’s the beauty of it because it’s like how many in those warehouses on at the [BLEEP] carnivals wherever, how many [BLEEP] hilarious guys did you know because they had no other outlet. And so finding those guys and putting them on screen. Yeah. A guy like if season 4 Shane’s like the character of Shane is like, “Hey, I’m pretty funny. I should start doing comedy.” Will be the worst show of all time. But if you keep that energy into him, pouring it into the show. Yeah. Awesome. Because those are the funniest people. I mean, I think I I feel like some of the some of like the Greek contractors my dad was friends with, they were better roast comedians than [BLEEP] you know, JP McDade. You know what I’m saying? Like they’re they were like they were like better. They were so great Joker. I understand. No, nobody understands how many of your favorite roasts. That’s an inside baseball. you know, I should have said uh you know, Dave Attell, [laughter] you know, Jeff, Greg Giraldo, but I said my friend who is a great who’s actually written a lot of jokes, but you haven’t heard him deliver them. But anyway, um they’re they’re so devastating and so devastatingly funny. A guy a contractor your dad is friends with, you know, the f those are the first guys being so rude to each other in hysterical ways. Better than comedians.

RON BENNINGTON: It’s so amazing. I remember being a little kid and uh we’re on the VFW bus to go to a Phillies game and uh a guy that I later became friends with, he’s like six or seven at the time, he’s left-handed, but he had his friend’s glove, so he had two gloves and he goes, “Hey, how can I miss?” And this man goes, “You’ll find a way, kid.” [laughter] And the whole bus was laughing at this kid. And I’m like, this I didn’t know this world existed.

STAVROS HALKIAS: The power that guy had. Just he said one sentence and he changed the entire energy of that bus and he ruined that kid’s day. Yes. He was so happy and so ready to go to a game and he’s like, “Shut up, you seven year-old. I’m [BLEEP] I pulled a double shift.” Yeah.

RON BENNINGTON:Mr. Reed was an amazingly funny guy. He really was. But that’s the thing that when you start to get a taste of that when you’re younger, you’re like, “Where else does this exist?”

STAVROS HALKIAS:And then that’s even before like attention from girls comes into it, right? Cuz when you’re a little kid, like I really was a showoff, but it was pure. It’s like I just want attention. And then when you add like you’re a fat, you got nothing going on. No one will look at you otherwise. But you get some nice zingers going and then it builds everything. You build your your whole confidence off of that.

RON BENNINGTON: Yeah. When a girl’s like, “Well, he doesn’t look great, but [laughter] really comfortable in his own skin.” Yeah.

STAVROS HALKIAS: When she Yeah. You want to be I’vealways been the guy who it’s like even though you’re reluctant to post me on the group chat, you know, but but I do get posted, you know, at a certain point you have to she has to show her friends and she’s like, you want to get the nice preamble, right? Because it’s like if it’s just visual and then they meet you and they’re like, “Oh, I get it.” But yeah, just the picture in the group. That’s a tough day for your girl.

RON BENNINGTON: Yeah, but you’ve gotten some beautiful girls. You You’re known for that. I have been lucky to Yes. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Uh which goes to show a lot of people life isn’t fair. All right. [laughter] He gets beautiful women. I’m stage four cancer.

STAVROS HALKIAS: Hey, you know, I would give back at least a quarter of the [BLEEP] I’ve gotten if it could knock down that stage.

RON BENNINGTON: Give me like a three or a two.

STAVROS HALKIAS I can get you to two. I’ll get you to stage two. I’ll give up half the [BLEEP] I’ve gotten in my life. If you hear that, God. Yeah.Unsuck my dick and give give Ron some health.

RON BENNINGTON: If I get to stage two, I’m going to start making vacation plans. Something I haven’t dared do. Yeah, it’s great to see you. Great to see you. I love you, brother.

STAVROS HALKIAS: I love you. Thank you for having me. It really means a lot that you would have me on this. Truly, I feel honored and this is truly an incredible project you’re doing and I wish you the best, man. For real.

RON BENNINGTON: But you know what? Here’s the other thing. I’ve been watching you do stuff online and you’re talking about all of us as a community and that’s what a lot of this is about as well, you know. Absolutely. When this happened to me, I go, I’m one of many. 100%. Let’s see what we can do. Yeah. Uh, congratulations. I love you, pal.

STAVROS HALKIAS: I love you.

RON BENNINGTON: I This stuff is all You just never know with this [BLEEP] You know what I mean?

STAVROS HALKIAS: You got to I will I will make my bargain with God. I will go celibate to get you some more time. And then we got to do a we got to do it’s all going to come full circle when we do an Unmasked. That’s what it really is.

RON BENNINGTON: That’s what I want to do with you, bro.

STAVROS HALKIAS: I would love that. That would truly be a dream come true.

RON BENNINGTON: I’ll see you next time. You’re the best. Peace.

STAVROS HALKIAS: Good luck with the grenade.