Ron Bennington:  And you know who the other person who really reached out a lot was Opie.

Jim Norton: Really?

Ron Bennington: Yeah. Which was really nice too. And I'm thinking if I could get you three guys together… here… in front of people with cancer, I think -

Jim Norton: It would make them all grateful [Laughing]

Ron Bennington: Things could be worse. I could be these three guys.

 Jim Norton: They'd be like, "Oh, thank God I'm only here getting chemo."

Announcer:

Portcast is recorded during Ron Bennington's cancer treatment. Abrupt cuts or visual changes may be necessary to protect the privacy of patients and staff. And now Portcast with Ron Bennington.

Ron Bennington: Jim Norton, how are you buddy?

Jim Norton: Hey Ron, it's good to see you.

Ron Bennington: Thanks for coming in.

Jim Norton:  Of course.

Ron Bennington: Now, how's this environment for you? Is this something you're comfortable with?

Jim Norton: I mean, I don't like it. I tend to not do well in hospitals, but it's a reality. But everyone's here, they move slowly. I had to scream at some old people in the elevator to get the fuck out of my way.

Ron Bennington: It might be the cancer that's slowing them down.

Jim Norton: Now I feel stupid.I shouldn’t….

Ron Bennington: No, no, no, no, no. You got to stay on them at all times.

Jim Norton: Oh, she was just sitting there moving with this thing. I really let it go and I feel guilty.

Ron Bennington: It's really funny. I don't know if you ever visited a friend in the hospital and maybe they got stabbed or whatever. They just lose all humility. They just lay in there with their wound open, their dick out. They don't care.

Jim Norton: It really is the ultimate freedom.

Ron Bennington: It is.

Jim Norton: You know what I mean? You're in the hospital, you don't care. You're just shitting while you're talking to somebody. It doesn't matter. You're like, give me a napkin, just shit. Yeah. The hospital is such a weird... Everyone, you have to whisper because there's probably somebody next door.

Ron Bennington: Somebody next door dying.

Jim Norton: Yeah, exactly. Which means we should be able to talk loud.

Ron Bennington: Yes.

Jim Norton: I mean, hear voices is for as long as you can. But yeah, I saw Anthony was in the hospital. Manny when he was... I try to come, but nobody likes it. I hate people that won't go because ‘I don't like the hospital.’ Well, how the fuck do you think the guy feels who's stuck there? Nobody likes it.

Ron Bennington: Nobody literally likes it, especially the people who work here. They're having a terrible... They're in the hospital every day with people.

Jim Norton: But are they pleasant to you?

Ron Bennington: Yeah, they're really nice.

Jim Norton: They are nice?

Ron Bennington: Yeah. You don't see the doctors that much, but the nurses are amazing.

Jim Norton: I guess if they weren't, you wouldn't want to say it while you're still here.

Ron Bennington: They just start pumping stuff into this. Can I get you a port? Would you like to just try a little bit?

Jim Norton: [sighs] Does it hurt?

Ron Bennington: No. The weird thing is I don't feel anything. Right now I'm being hydrated because that's one of my main problems is keeping hydrated and that's the shit that's really... Your brain just goes away when you don't have enough water. So your brain goes away and maybe you'll faint or whatever.

Jim Norton: Have you fainted?

Ron Bennington: Oh yeah.

Jim Norton: Really?

Ron Bennington: Yeah.

Jim Norton: Were you standing or... Oh.

Ron Bennington: Yeah, I fell in the bathroom. I was just in taking a piss and I don't even remember another thing, just hit the ground. And I'm really not in a position where I should be falling. You know what I mean? It's not good for me at this point.

Jim Norton: No, you're going to have to sit and piss Ron. [laughs] Ron's going to have to sit and tinkle.

Ron Bennington: Maybe I'll just carry a bucket with me wherever I go.

Jim Norton: Just sit on it and piddle.

Ron Bennington: But I was wondering, I wonder if the piss even made me just go like, "That's all I have. Boom."

Jim Norton: That was the last bit of fluid you had.

Ron Bennington: That's the most energy I could give you today.

Jim Norton: You're lucky to knock your teeth out though falling on the toilet. It's weird the things you don't see coming, right?

Ron Bennington: Yeah. Well, that's the thing is the bathroom is the worst place to fall.

Jim Norton: Yeah. That’s how Ozzy fucked himself up.

Ron Bennington: Look, Stanley's panicking. Did that get to you?

Chris Stanley: A little bit.

Ron Bennington: Yeah.

Chris Stanley: Too much porcelain.

Ron Bennington: Yeah. There's a lot of porcelain.

Jim Norton: Oh, falling in the bathroom? Yeah.

Ron Bennington: Yeah. Chris has been... This is his third cancer thing. He's been with his mom, his mother-in-law, and now me. So far, nobody's made it.

Jim Norton: Yeah. So basically you ought to come in with a fucking hood and a grim reaper stick.

Ron Bennington: I also want to say this to you. You were one of the first people that kept checking on me when you got the news. And were you concerned about just where the whole thing was?

Jim Norton: Yeah. I mean, of course, we've been close for many years, so you find out your friend is sick and you want to know how you're doing. But you don't want to pester... I don't want to bother you. I have another friend who's very sick, same thing. And it's like, how much do I text? When does it become like, all right, already? I'll let you know. You don't want to overdo it and be a fucking wet nurse to somebody and annoy them. There's nothing worse than a concerned hen friend.

Ron Bennington:  …that wants all the details. So many people want every detail.

Jim Norton: Yeah. I figure you're an experienced talker. You let me know what you want me to know.

Ron Bennington: Right. But I did think it was very sweet of you. And you know who the other person who really reached out a lot was Opie.

Jim Norton: Really?

Ron Bennington: Yeah.

Jim Norton: Good.

Ron Bennington: Which was really nice too. And I'm thinking if I could get you three guys together here in front of people with cancer, I think...

Jim Norton: It would make them all grateful.

Ron Bennington: Things could be worse. I could be these three guys. 

Jim Norton: They'd be like, "Oh, thank God I'm only here getting chemo. But yeah, Opie, he's a real person. I mean, he's a family guy and of course I'm not surprised.

Ron Bennington:  Yeah. No, he's been very, very sweet. Ant's not good in these situations.

Jim Norton: Ant's not good in any situation where there's humanity. You know where Ant's good? In Charlottesville. That's right.

Ron Bennington: When you see him with a torch, you're like, "There he is in his element."

Jim Norton: Oh my God, he lights up on January 5th because he knows what's coming tomorrow.

Ron Bennington: Well, we can laugh because it's true.

Jim Norton: Oh, we love him.

Ron Bennington: Yeah, we love him, but he scares us.

Jim Norton: Anthony's not good with emotions.

Ron Bennington: No. Big Jay's the same way. I don't think he's ever even come to grips with Patrice.

Jim Norton: Yeah. I think a lot of us had a hard time with that because we all lost people, but in our group, he was just such a booming loud voice and big presence that when he goes naturally, this doesn't last forever. You know that, but that makes you really feel it 

Ron Bennington: You know it, but you never believe it. That's why when I was told, "Here's what you have." And the first doctor I talked to, he literally gave me a time limit. You know what I mean? Like, "Here you go." And it was so funny to me that I just went, "Yeah, okay." You know what I mean? I didn't have any freaked outness about it at all. I was like, "Hey, I know this is hard for you to sit. You're telling me this and I see that you're struggling, but I've had a really good life and whatever happens is okay.” Who thought I'd ever get to that spot?

Jim Norton: I mean, that's an amazing... Because I just know that I feel bad enough when things are okay. [beeping starts] If things were not good or things had a prognosis, I don't think I would handle it well. It's amazing to me. Although when you're in that situation, maybe you handle it. Should that concern us?

Ron Bennington: No, this is my heart. So I want you to hold me in case this is it. Just hold my hand.

Jim Norton: I don't want you to die, but what a story I'd have.

Ron Bennington: You're going to be the king of every podcast. Oh my God.

Jim Norton: So you were holding his hand. Wha did he say? He said Jim Norton's going to be in Iowa City on the 25th.

Ron Bennington: I wanted to get that out there.

Jim Norton: Can I ask you, when they tell you, is it like a feeling of just kind of being not there but there or did you kind of know?

Ron Bennington: No, I had no idea.

Jim Norton: Okay.

Ron Bennington: But yeah, you're right. There's a thing of... There was a comfortability that I didn't expect because I guess this is as natural as we can get. You know what I mean? But then when I hooked up with these people, they're like, "Maybe we can do a little longer and get something else and maybe something else is coming." Whatever.

Jim Norton: You just keep your eye on what they're testing and what is -

Ron Bennington: Well, I am part of the trial test.

Jim Norton: You are.

Ron Bennington: Yeah. And the whole thought of that is get to the next…. trial test.

 Jim Norton: When you're in a trial test, you probably have to sign a lot of things that say, "Hey, well if this..."

Ron Bennington: Because yeah, there's stuff that the FDA hasn't approved. And this would only be done by somebody who was like, "What else is there?"

Jim Norton: Yeah, let's give it a shot.

Ron Bennington: Yeah.

Jim Norton: What the fuck?

Ron Bennington: Let's roll the dice.

Jim Norton: Are you afraid?

Ron Bennington: No.

Jim Norton: That's amazing.

TREATMENT BREAK-

Jim Norton: Thought that might be a celebrity alert because I was here.

Ron Bennington: Oh no. These scientists have heard of nobody outside of their world. I don't think any of them know who Seinfeld is. They just know numbers.

Jim Norton: They were starstruck when Bill Catheter came in. OH MY…We love your work.

Ron Bennington: How did you come up with that? Actually, out of everything that's happened, that's the thing that hurt the most.

Jim Norton: Oh, the catheter?

Ron Bennington: Getting the catheter out.

Jim Norton: Ooh, that's right. Because going in sucks, but it almost when they pull it out, it almost feels dry.

Ron Bennington: Yeah,

Jim Norton: I've had them.

Ron Bennington: And then you feel it for weeks.

Jim Norton: Yeah, it's very uncomfortable.

Ron Bennington: And I'm like, "Is there a thinner catheter?" I guess I don't have the girth that I though I had. But no, but you were asked about the afraid thing. It's like, no, not at all. And I really don't know why.

Jim Norton: I guess, I mean, I don't know either, and I don't know how I would feel in similar circumstances, but I mean, we look at things like, all right, well, how many years do most people have anyway? I mean, on a celestial scale, it's so minimal, the difference in time if you look at what... So I don't know, maybe I would feel the same way. Probably not. I'd probably be panicking and screaming and hating God.

Ron Bennington:  I honestly thought that that would have been the only thing, but it wasn't. But yeah, you're really true. How much extra time do you get?

Jim Norton: I mean, you diet, you're healthy, you exercise, you get a couple of extra years. The old jokes, well, it's at the end, but it really is. I mean, Dick Van Dyke made a hundred so far, but what the fuck is he doing lately 

Ron Bennington: Well, that's the thing, man. Those extra years suck.

Jim Norton: They do suck. They're the worst ones.

Ron Bennington: They do suck. Your brain's going, everything. You're at the doctor's every day. I mean, I really... With you, I mean, I kind of feel like I know how you're going to die, and I have it as a murder suicide. And I'm not sure which side of that you're on.

Jim Norton: They're either going to find a fucking me with an ax in my head and a transgender gal with a belt around her neck or vice versa. [laughs] Ah, she was hung twice.

Ron Bennington: By the way, she's well hung. But doing the podcast with you two guys was one of the most fun I've ever had because I got to gang up with her against you. And that's how we forced you to get a dog.

Jim Norton: She loved it. She loves you. And honestly, the dog, I think of you sometimes because you're like, "Don't get a dog because you're going to love it so much and eventually die." I though of that while I was petting the dog. "Oh boy, this is going to run out in a few years. I'm going to really wish I never did this. "But I love him. I mean, I can't believe how much I love the dog.

Ron Bennington: Isn't it insane that you don't think you would love a dog, but then you do?

Jim Norton: Yeah. And it's like he kisses you, you let him lick your... It's a weird type of affection, which I've had for cats when I was a kid, but I get it now.

Ron Bennington: Wait till you and Nikki get an Asian baby. You're going to love her.

Jim Norton: Here's the difference. She wants the baby and I'm like, let's get one at 16. She's almost ready to drive so I won't get in too much trouble if things go sideways. [laughs] I mean, I am a Woody Allen fan.

Ron Bennington: Yeah, that can get you in trouble being a Woody Allen fan.

Jim Norton: Oh, well, let's see who this is. 

TREATMENT BREAK

Ron Bennington: Here's the thing. Everything is a schedule now. What time do you take pills? I work two hours a day max. And now I'm like 10 hours a day supposed to be paying attention to stuff.

Jim Norton: Taking pills and being here on certain days.

Ron Bennington: Pills, doing it at the right time, waiting before you can eat, waiting till you can't... Yeah, this is a 12 hour day here today.

Jim Norton: What have you been eating the most of? What's the food that's best for you in this?

Ron Bennington: Well, first of all, a lot of times food, especially bland food, just tastes like cancer. So you're like, "I can't eat this cancer." You know what I mean?

Jim Norton: Please say that to the chef in the restaurant.

Ron Bennington: "Could you take this back? It's very cancer tasting. But then I figured out just try spicy food that I've never had before and that kind of fools my -

Jim Norton: And you can taste it.

Ron Bennington: Yeah. Then I can taste it and I'm like, this tastes like food.

Jim Norton: That doesn't fuck your system up though?

Ron Bennington: Yeah. I mean, but who gives a shit? I mean, I'm really ready to disorder whiskey and heroin. That's what Warren Zevon did. He was in the program for years and years and years. And I think he got the same thing, like a cancer diagnosis and he just said, "I'm back."

Jim Norton: Wow.

Ron Bennington:  You know what I mean? What are we kidding ourselves about? And that's the other good side of this, is you really find out that you don't have much to worry about.

Jim Norton: I guess not,

Ron Bennington: Right?

Jim Norton: You can just do what you want to do.

Ron Bennington: You're not going around like, "Hey, how was today's show?" Who gives a fuck?

Jim Norton: Exactly. It's done and fuck it. We'll do one tomorrow.

Ron Bennington: Yeah. And I didn't think of the what's next thing doesn't haunt me at all.

Jim Norton: It doesn't.

Ron Bennington: No.

Jim Norton: Do you mean what's next as in tomorrow or after?

Ron Bennington: After. Yeah. I can only live for where I'm going, but the thing when you're younger and you're like, "What happens? What's the universe like?" I'm like, "Oh, this is what the universe is like." You know what I mean?

Jim Norton: Yeah. Where we're at right now.

Ron Bennington: We have no real choice of when we go or what we're going to do or what's going to happen, but I do have gratitude. You know what kind of life you had the same life, just a ball, just a fun time that we've had.

Jim Norton: Yeah. And that's what I was going to ask you too. Is there anger with this? Because there's no resentment, or…

Ron Bennington: No, there's no resentment. If anything, there's gratitude. But here's a weird thing. So my buddy, when I grew up with, we knew each other since we were 10. He's got ALS, so he knows where it's going. And then I have this, and we've known each other our whole lives through playing as kids, partying, getting in huge trouble.. Him more than me. But both of us are like, "Who's got it worse?" Kind of each thinks the other person does.

Jim Norton: You kind of want to be in each other's shoes in a way.

Ron Bennington: Yeah.

Jim Norton: What is ALS, what's the timeframe on that?

Ron Bennington: That changes for everybody, but it's the same thing as this.

Jim Norton: Is that where your body kind of freezes up?

Ron Bennington: Yeah. It's not easy.

Jim Norton: Steven Hawking?

Ron Bennington: Yeah. He's actually going to get the Stephen Hawking thing with that….remember that... who made it for him? I guess Microsoft did, but where you look at words and everything and then the voice comes out.

Jim Norton: But I imagine he'll be saying much less intelligent things than Steven Hawking did when he was trying to say black holes and then your friends, it's going to be, "Did the Yankees lose?"

Ron Bennington: It's really true. There's no reason even to put anything on.

Jim Norton: Yeah, exactly. Have five words in it.

Ron Bennington: I like cake.

Jim Norton: And then I say the same thing, but it's slightly different. [laughs] But I would prefer to have cancer than that. That to me is worse. 

Ron Bennington: Yeah, that's always been my fear too. 

Jim Norton: 100%, being frozen like that.

Ron Bennington: Yeah. Well, even with Patrice, they said he had that locked in thing and that freaked me out.

Jim Norton: Terrified me. Locked in syndrome. Me and Matt Frost went to the hospital and saw him. His family wasn't letting people see him. It was just too... We just drove to the hospital and we texted his mom and she was like, "Yeah, come up and see him." So we went up and saw him and he had a beard and he was a lot thinner, but I remember just thinking, "I hope he's not locked in." They didn't know. When you walked in, there was a sign on the door that said, "Mr. O’Neal may be able to hear you."

Ron Bennington: Oh my God.

Jim Norton: So just don't. Because people have come out of those things after 20 years, and they heard the family talking about them for 20 years. So in a way, I was relieved when he died because I knew that he didn't have to deal with that. And they said he never would've gotten any real movement back. It was like there wasn't anything they could have done. So it was like with Patrice, I was kind of glad that it finally was done.

Ron Bennington: Yeah. I mean, that's where it eventually comes, right? Like, "Hey, at least the pain is gone."

Jim Norton: Yes. It's almost once you have an idea of how it's going to end, none of us really know, but once you have an idea, is there a peace that comes with it or is there a...

 Ron Bennington: Here's a weird thing. I don't think I talked about this, but a couple days after I found out, I woke up in the middle of the night and I have this feeling of elation, right? Just elation. And I'm like, "Now I'm going to know, is every moment precious? Is every day precious?" Like people say, "I wake up and I thank God for today, blah, blah, blah." I go, "Now, I'm going to know whether that's true or not." And I was elated and went back to sleep, woke up the next morning and just found myself bitching. I’m like “Call him back, god damn it.” Everything was gone. But I had this one moment of spiritual connection to… now I get existence. I understand it.

Jim Norton: Yeah. I kind of wonder how... Because again, if it doesn't happen all of a sudden like getting hit by a car, most of us just get sick. It is what it is. And I guess people handle it with dignity and grace and are comfortable, and then there's some people that go kicking and screaming, and it just seems like that's the worst way to go.

Ron Bennington: And yet, I don't know, maybe I will eventually go that way. Who knows?

Jim Norton: I don't think so. We don't know. I think it happens, and if it hasn't happened already, I doubt it will, but I've never woken up with great elation. That's got to be a nice feeling.

Ron Bennington: It was insane. I've never had it before either or since. But that one thing, something touched me while I was sleeping, and it wasn't an uncle this time. I don't really blame him because I was adorable.

Jim Norton: Of course not. You a supple young lad. Can anybody resist young Florida Ron, supple buttocks, hot evening, sheets kicked off.

Ron Bennington: Yeah. They said I smelled like a peach. But certainly everything else melts away except for this one thing. I mean, I got to do much more than I thought I'd get to do as a kid. It's just the idea of missing your family, I think, more than anything else. And I mean, your family that you have and then the family that you've kind of built throughout the years.

Jim Norton: Yeah, your friends and the people that close. ….[Whispers] Fucking assholes.

 Ron Bennington: He's gone.

Jim Norton: All right, good. Can we just take this curtain out so we have a little room to stretch?

Ron Bennington: I have a little extra room.

Jim Norton: We'd like to spread out if you don't mind. Yeah. It's funny. I don't feel that way. What I worry about missing is... And this is why I think people don't pay attention to younger people. It's all the technology that's coming and the life extending things, like uploading us to a computer where we live for 200 years. I'm going to miss that too, but I think within a hundred years it'll be good evening.

TREAMENT BREAK- ANNOUNCEMENT

 Jim Norton: Can they make that a text. I mean, we're recording for Christ's sake.

 Ron Bennington: They don't get it. They don't...

 Jim Norton: Really rude.

 Ron Bennington: They don't get the business.

 Jim Norton: Exactly. They don't understand.

 Ron Bennington: Yeah.

 Jim Norton: It's like, don't just walk in while we're podcasting. We're portcasting.

 Ron Bennington: I won't miss that. But you really want all the technology to keep on living?

 Jim Norton: I do. I really feel like we're eventually going to have immortality. You've interviewed Ray Kerswell?

Ron Bennington: Yeah.

Jim Norton: I've talked about him before where he thinks that this singularity is going to happen. He thinks by 2040, I think he's wrong. I think it's way after. He's just going to be in his 90s, so he's wishful thinking, but I would like to be alive for that, but I think I'll miss it too.

Ron Bennington: I think that sounds like a nightmare.

 Jim Norton: To be...

 Ron Bennington: Yeah, to be extended here beyond what you're supposed to be. I mean, let's face it, Caveman died at what age? 15, 16?

 Jim Norton: Yeah.

 Ron Bennington: Somebody got a cold and that was it.

 Jim Norton: Yeah.

 Ron Bennington: So even when we put together the social security, they were like, "What are they going to live?" You know what I mean? "Couple of them will make it. Let's help them out.

 Jim Norton: "I don't know, but I kind of want to be around for that. Even though if I was, I would probably hate it, because then the next thing they're going to do is they're going to be able to interpret your thoughts. They're already working on that, and then they'll start punishing people. I just know that it would be a nightmare.

 Ron Bennington: So you're going to live for hundreds of years, you and Nikki, just pitching about the same things every day.

 Jim Norton: God, can you stop buying giant white sneakers, please?

Ron Bennington: Giant? How big are her feet?

 Jim Norton: I want to say they are 10. I don't know for sure, but I do know that if we were in a Katrina-like flood, I could sit in one in row to safety.

 Ron Bennington: Just battle your way out.

 Jim Norton: Oh, once in a while I'll put them on to walk out to the hallway to throw the garbage out, and it's very uncomfortable, a large fit. She's a big-footed gal.

 Ron Bennington: That's what we're all looking for.

 Jim Norton: Sure.

 Ron Bennington: Woman with big feet.

 Jim Norton: Absolutely. Just a woman you could watch her run nude through the Pacific Northwest and people would track her.

 Ron Bennington: She's looking over her shoulder.

 Jim Norton: Isn't it funny that people still believe that? And the guy who was in that Bigfoot out, he confessed that was a costume and it was a fake Loch Ness monster, same thing. The surgeon's photo was hoaxed and people still believe it.

 Ron Bennington: Right. Well, a lot of people even think that Elvis is dead, so who knows?

 Jim Norton: It is crazy. The government tells your guy dies and they just buy it.

 Ron Bennington: Yeah, he is buying into it.

 Jim Norton: Yeah. He's probably somewhere just gearing up for a comeback.

 Ron Bennington: Well, I really appreciate you stopping by. And you know what? I think you handled yourself well.

 Jim Norton: Well, thank you. All of a sudden I get out, you just hear me scream, nooooooo. Or I get into a fist fight with somebody. I'm happy to do it. I love you.

 Ron Bennington: I love you too, buddy. I'm sure you'll make it to singularity.

Jim Norton: I hope not.

Again, pop, pop.